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THE SCREENWRITING BLOG OF THE BLACK LIST

One way to write an action scene

This is an excerpt from the very last part of the screenplay for Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969):

CUT TO

BUTCH streaking, diving again, then up, and the bullets landing around him aren’t even close as—

CUT TO

SUNDANCE, whirling and spinning, continuing to fire and—

CUT TO

SEVERAL POLICEMEN dropping for safety behind the wall and

CUT TO

BUTCH really moving now, dodging, diving, up again and

CUT TO

SUNDANCE flinging away one gun, grabbing another from his holster, continuing to turn and fire and

CUT TO

TWO POLICEMEN falling wounded to the ground and

CUT TO

BUTCH letting out a notch, then launching into another dive forward and

CUT TO

SUNDANCE whirling, but you never know which way he’s going to spin and

CUT TO

THE HEAD POLICEMAN cursing, forced to drop for safety behind the wall and

CUT TO

BUTCH racing to the mules, and then he is there, grabbing at the near mule for ammunition and

CUT TO

SUNDANCE throwing the second gun away, reaching into his holster for another, continuing to spin and fire and

CUT TO

BUTCH and he has the ammunition now and

CUT TO

ANOTHER POLICEMAN screaming as he falls and

CUT TO

BUTCH, his arms loaded, tearing away from the mules and they’re still not even coming close to him as they fire and the mules are behind him now as he runs and cuts and cuts again, going full out and—

CUT TO

THE HEAD POLICEMAN cursing incoherently at what is happening and—

CUT TO

SUNDANCE whirling faster than ever and

CUT TO

BUTCH dodging and cutting and as a pattern of bullets rips into his body he somersaults and lies there, pouring blood and

CUT TO

SUNDANCE running toward him and

CUT TO

ALL THE POLICEMEN rising up behind the wall now, firing and

CUT TO

SUNDANCE as he falls.

The script’s writer, William Goldman, mentions this specific scene in his book “Adventures in the Screen Trade” to make a point about action-writing. Read the sequence again and see if you notice something unusual about it.

UPDATE: In comments, Neil noted:

“and and and and and and and”

I really really hate the way that’s written. I’m perfectly happy with something like:

SUNDANCE flings away one gun, grabs another from his holster, continuing to turn and fire as –

TWO POLICEMEN fall wounded to the ground.

BUTCH lets out a notch. He launches into another dive forward.

SUNDANCE whirls around, but you never know which way he’s going to spin.

THE HEAD POLICEMAN curses. He drops to safety behind the wall.

And a second comment:

IMO there’s no need for CUT TO at all. Obviously it’s going to be a cut – it’s an action scene.

Although that wasn’t the point I was looking to make by posting the scene, let me say that I agree. Goldman has always used CUT TO (left-justified) to signify cutting from one camera shot to another. Since he’s William Goldman, he can pretty much do whatever the hell he wants. Per current style guides and the trend away from directing and ‘scripty’ lingo, it’s preferable to approach the scene description like Neil did. Or if you prefer, use secondary slugs:

BUTCH

streaking, diving again, then up, and the bullets landing around him aren’t even close as –

SUNDANCE

whirling and spinning, continuing to fire –

SEVERAL POLICEMEN

dropping for safety behind the wall –

Either way — how Neil wrote it or with secondary slugs — infers a CUT TO between camera shots. In other words, it’s a way of ‘directing’ the action without using directing lingo.

Re Tom’s comment: The highlighted scene is not the last scene in the movie, but the one where Butch hauls ass through the courtyard to get ammo while Sundance provides cover. That’s how they get shot up, setting up that last scene where they talk about Australia and so on. The actual last scene in Goldman’s script does have the freeze-frame:

CLOSEUP – BUTCH AND SUNDANCE

THE CAMERA FREEZES THEM. And as it does, a tremendous fusilage of shots is heard, then another, even louder, and more and more shots, building its tempo and sound. The shots continue to sound. Butch and Sundance remain frozen.

FINAL FADE OUT

THE END

So in fact, the movie did carry through Goldman’s vision in that ending scene.

It’s interesting how screenplay style has changed so much since Goldman wrote Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (which was a spec script — essentially the first of its kind — and sold for over a quarter million dollars) in 1967-1968. CLOSEUP and even THE CAMERA FREEZES THEM would probably be considered clunky today.

While the scene sparked an interesting discussion about style, the point I was trying to make is this: The entire highlighted scene is one sentence. That’s 293 words before Goldman ends the ‘sentence’ with a period after “he falls”.

Goldman notes why he chose to write it that way: He wanted the reader to understand that this moment is one continuous chain of action, no breaks, no interruptions. In a way, it’s the storm before the calm – the following scene with Butch and Sundance, their final conversation:

6 thoughts on “One way to write an action scene

  1. "and and and and and and and"

    I really really hate the way that's written. I'm perfectly happy with something like:

    SUNDANCE flings away one gun, grabs another from his holster, continuing to turn and fire as –

    TWO POLICEMEN fall wounded to the ground.

    BUTCH lets out a notch. He launches into another dive forward.

    SUNDANCE whirls around, but you never know which way he’s going to spin.

    THE HEAD POLICEMAN curses. He drops to safety behind the wall.

  2. IMO there's no need for CUT TO at all. Obviously it's going to be a cut – it's an action scene.

    I get the sense that everything is happening all at once in the original and not in what Ive done, but again – obvious?

    Maybe I'm completely wrong here, but….

  3. I agree with both of Neil's comments.

    I also noticed that although every action is a mini-scene in itself the overall scene is actually three separate main scenes –

    What Butch is doing and

    What Sundance is doing and

    What the policemen are doing

    (and I threw in all the ands to keep with the style).

    Lastly, if I’m correct, that’s not the way the last scene actually played out. Although Butch and Sundance were both wounded, they made it back into the room where they were taking shelter. Then they burst out into the open, the scene froze and went to sepia. William Goldman’s vision never made it to the screen.

  4. Everyone should "hate" how it's written unless that's their voice. But don't confuse "hate" with seeing it differently.

  5. One of the drafts of one of the BOURNE scripts does the CUT TO slugline thing. I was wondering where the heck it came from.

    In my head it captured the pacing of the movie better than it would have been with no CUT TO's, although regular mini-slugs might have done the same.

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