Laura Cross at About A Screenplay offers some thoughts on what not to do when you write dialogue:
Here are 12 examples of things that can hurt your dialogue (thanks to a class I attended presented by Mr. Karl Iglesias)
The twelve are:
1. Dialogue That Contains Too Much Exposition
2. Dialogue That Is Too Direct
3. Dialogue That Doesn’t Sound Real
4. Dialogue That is Predictable
5. Characters That All Sound The Same
6. Dialogue That is Too Long
7. Dialogue That Repeats What Has Already Been Shown
8. Dialogue Where Characters Talk About Nothing
9. Dialogue That Sounds Contrived
10. Dialogue Where The Characters Repeat Names
11. Dialogue That Contains Too Many Filler Words
12. Dialogue That Includes Strange Spellings to Indicate Pronunciation
#1 and #2 deserve to be at the top of the , they’re that important. Re exposition, here is one of my screenwriting mantras:
“Exposition = Death”
There is almost nothing that kills a scene or a story’s momentum more than two talking heads exchanging information. If you need to convey facts or data critical to the story, think of a backdrop or circumstance around which you can construct an interesting, entertaining scene, and insert the exposition there.
For example in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Butch and Sundance are trapped on a ledge, peering down at a river hundreds of feet below, their pursuers minutes away from being able to pick off the pair with their rifles. Butch has a solution: They’ll jump. Then this dialogue:
BUTCH
Alright. I’ll jump first.
SUNDANCE KID.
No.
BUTCH
Then you jump first.
SUNDANCE KID
No, I said.
BUTCH
What’s the matter with you?
SUNDANCE KID
I can’t swim.
The exposition: That Sundance can’t swim. But because of the circumstances, it’s an interesting and entertaining reveal of key information.
Re direct dialogue: That’s why there’s subtext, the meaning of the words ‘beneath’ the words. It’s almost always more interesting when characters convey their feelings and thoughts indirectly through subtext than directly through the ‘text’ of their dialogue.
Here’s another example from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. In the middle of the movie, there is this seemingly extraneous bit of business where Butch has somehow gotten hold of a bicycle, a new ‘modern’ mode of transportation. He tests out the bike with Etta Place (Katherine Ross), accompanied on the soundtrack by the Burt Bachrach song “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head”:
But if you think about it, the sequence isn’t extraneous. The bicycle is a metaphor for the future, in contrast to Butch and Sundance who are old-time bank robbers. When events go south on them and their pursuers pick up their trail again, Butch, Sundance, and Etta are forced to leave the U.S. and go to Bolivia. The last beat before their travel sequence to South America is Butch heaving the bicycle into a ditch with this dialogue:
BUTCH
The future’s all yours, you lousy bicycles.
The text of Butch’s dialogue is about the bicycle. But the subtext is this: “I know I’m stuck in my ways, and I know times are changing and I have to change, too, but I don’t like it one bit.”
To underscore this point, remember what Sheriff Ray Blesdoe told the guys earlier: “You should have let yourself get killed a long time ago when you had the chance. See, you may be the biggest thing that ever hit this area, but you’re still two-bit outlaws. I never met a soul more affable than you, Butch, or faster than the Kid, but you’re still nothing but two-bit outlaws on the dodge. It’s over, don’t you get that? Your times is over and you’re gonna die bloody, and all you can do is choose where.”
Laura goes into detail about each of the 12 points re dialogue. Go here to learn more.
Handy list. I'll print, distribute and acknowledge.
For about a year the top of our whiteboard read "WAR ON CLICHE". You know, 'get a room', 'trouble in paradise', that kind of stuff. We cleaned it off at Christmas break but the war still rages on. And against men sounding like chicks. My pet hate.
Good, interesting post.
But: I often object to blanket condemnations of expositional dialog, or proclamations extolling the virtues of subtext over all else.
Your dialog examples here prove this out: they are all good, evocative, and meaningful — but the best is from the sheriff, and it is nothing if not on-the-nose bald exposition! It works, it's dramatic, and sometimes — even most of the time — people do just come out and say what they mean in no uncertain terms.
BTW, I've been reading your blog for just a few months and want to say I really appreciate it: lots of thoughtful, useful material. Thanks.
@Paul Worthington: Of course, you are right about blanket statements re exposition and subtext. Having taught screenwriting for nearly a decade and read hundreds of scripts from my students, if I'm guilty of overstating the importance of subtext – it's for a reason, if you catch my drift.
The sheriff's side is exposition, yes. It's also great exposition (basically laying out one major theme of the movie) stated in an interesting situation: He is sitting in a chair, demanding that Butch and Sundance tie him up so that it will look like they are his foes, not friends.
So I think the point still stands: Look for ways to 'dress up' exposition so that it's entertaining.