The Bitter Script Reader had an interesting post recently here recently, discussing some new screenwriting lingo “visual grammar”:
I think calling it “visual grammar” when discussing a writing technique is needlessly confusing because it made me think of the purple prose that screenwriters use when trying to be overly descriptive. Stuff like:The tide rhythmically laps against the sandy shore, in a metronome of nature’s beauty. Water. Sand. In. Out. White foam bubbles to the surface like the carbonation in a soda as the waves themselves erase small etchings in the sand that took it’s artists hours to create in painstaking detail. Nature is indifferent – and yet beautiful at the same time. We marvel at how the tides compelled by a lunar relationship borne hundreds of thousands of miles away could directly impact the actions of those without even being aware of it.
zzzzzzzz…. what? Oh, sorry… I know that’s a terrible example, but I got bored myself while I was typing it. If you’ve read a lot of scripts, you probably have seen the examples of purple prose I’m talking about. Avoid that crap like the plague. To me, it always reads like those 1000-word writing assignments that were given in school, and led the students to try to fill up the page by overwriting ever little bit of description, to the point of using every synonym in the book.
Writing visually does not necessarily translate into good scene description, as TBSR points out. Knowing what to include in scene description is as important as how you describe it, no matter how visual you are:
It’s not about writing long description, and it’s not about writing about everything seen in every scene in exhaustive detail. Worry less about writing full paragraph descriptions of how your character’s hair is parted, or what sort of socks they’re wearing (unless it’s important to the plot.) Make sure there’s a reason for every visual you’re given and that you’re not just trying too hard to micromanage everything.In other words, it’s showing, not telling… and I’m always in favor of that.
I don’t call it “visual grammar.” I call it “visual storytelling.”
All for keeping it simple, so visual storytelling works for me.
Check back later today with another Scene Description Spotlight.
Question, Scott…
TBSR's example of purple prose is clearly overwritten, but what if it was changed as so:
The tide rhythmically laps against the shore. Water. Sand. In. Out. White foam bubbles to the surface like the carbonation in a soda. And the waves themselves erase small etchings in the sand that read: "Will you marry m–"
Near the fading finger-etched proposal, two CORPSES lay side by side, a lone RING now being washed to sea from the woman's hand.
SUPER: Panama City Beach, Day One
…. Some of that clearly falls into the category of "purple prose," but if the writer's intention is for an extended shot on something (like the ocean tides in this example) then is it okay to use a larger vocabulary and get into details??
It seems like it would be valuable in this example. Just something you should avoid once the story gets rolling.
Stuff like
an unkempt crack house
stylish but naughty
secretary type
obviously a banker
ZOOMS
SLASHES
Wow, I love this.
Oh, BTW have to get in a shameless plug for Movie Outline software.
Goodbye note cards!
@The_High_Dweller: Yes, your example could work. It all depends upon the story, the position of the scene in that story, and what the point of the scene is. If it is to establish a sense of place and time, probably okay. To the degree that the story needs that set up the plot, fine. But if it doesn't advance the plot, then something to consider dropping during the rewrite.
In most screenplays, the story keeps powering forward – the next scene, the next scene, the next scene. Everything that happens has to fuel that push forward, what some people call "narrative drive."
But again, if you need to set up a place and create a mood, you have some flexibility to write a bit more prose than in other parts of the script.
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